You didn’t realize how much you relied on the hallway until it disappeared.
The quick chat before a meeting started. The coffee run where you learned your manager was stressed about a board presentation. The offhand comment from a colleague that turned into a collaboration nobody planned.
These weren’t frivolous moments but valuable informal relationships.
They were the invisible architecture of your professional reputation. And when remote work erased them overnight, most people didn’t notice what was missing until they felt a growing sense of disconnection, of being productive but somehow peripheral.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not imagining it. And it’s not a personality problem. This one is structural with a structured solution.
The Relationship Gap Nobody Talks About
There’s a difference between working relationships and working-together relationships. The first is transactional. We collaborate on deliverables, attend the same meetings, exchange information.
The second is relational. We know something about each other beyond the job title. We’ve laughed at something. Asked how the weekend went and actually listened.
MIT’s Human Dynamics Laboratory found that the highest-performing teams share one key trait: frequent, informal communication. It’s not more meetings; rather it’s an increase in spontaneous, low-stakes human interaction. The kind of human connections that remote work systematically removes.
This matters for your career because informal relationships are often where trust gets built, opportunities get mentioned, and decisions about who’s “ready” get made. If you’re not in those conversations, you’re missing out on connection with colleagues and career visibility.
The good news is you can rebuild this with intention, authenticity, and without turning yourself into someone who “schedules fun.”
Step 1: Start With Curiosity
The biggest mistake remote professionals make when trying to “build relationships” is approaching it like a networking exercise. They reach out with a reason—a question, a project update, a need—and that’s fine. But it’s not the same as genuine connection.
Informal relationships are built on curiosity. You ask about something because you’re genuinely interested, not because it’s a strategy.
So start there. Who on your team do you know the least about? Who do you interact with regularly but only on task-level matters? Pick one person per week and reach out with no agenda. Comment on something they shared in a meeting. Ask a follow-up to something they mentioned. Reference something you noticed about their work.
It doesn’t have to be long. A two-sentence message that says “That point you made about client expectations in today’s call was interesting. Do you find that’s consistent across industries or more sector-specific?” does more for a relationship than ten status updates.
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Step 2: Use Existing Channels Differently
Most remote teams are drowning in Slack, Teams, or whatever communication platform their organization adopted. But, all too often, people use these tools transactionally. They answer questions, share files, respond when tagged.
But you can start using them relationally. That means:
- Reacting to updates with something more than a thumbs-up when you have a genuine response
- Posting in non-work channels when you have something real to contribute; not to perform sociability, but because you actually have a take on the book club pick or the Friday trivia question
- Acknowledging wins publicly with specificity, not empty praise. “This turned around fast because of how Maya structured the brief. Wanted to name that.”
Specificity is the secret ingredient in remote relationship-building. Vague compliments land just like that. However, specific observations land like someone actually paid attention—because you did.
Step 3: Protect the Before and After
Here’s a habit shift worth trying immediately. Arrive to video calls two minutes early and stay two minutes after. By the way, this mimics how people behave in in-person meetings too.
Those margins—before the meeting starts, after the business ends—are where informal conversation still has a natural home. You don’t have to manufacture it. You just have to not fill it with task prep or a speedy exit.
Ask about the city someone’s working from. Mention the book on the shelf behind them. Say “I’ve been meaning to ask. How did that presentation go last month?” These are the hallway moments you can still create. You just have to choose not to skip them.
The same principle applies to one-on-ones with your manager. Most people treat these as status reports. The strongest relationships treat them as a mix—yes, the work, but also the context.
What’s challenging you right now? What are you excited about? What’s your manager navigating that you might not see? That exchange doesn’t happen if you spend fifty-five minutes on deliverables and leave four minutes for small talk at the end.
Step 4: Create a Consistent Presence
You don’t need to be everywhere. But you do need to be consistently somewhere.
One of the quieter career risks of remote work is what researchers call social invisibility. It’s the gradual fade from colleagues’ awareness when you’re not physically present and not actively maintaining a digital presence. It’s not dramatic. It’s just slow, steady, and career-limiting.
Counter it with a rhythm, not a performance. That might look like:
- A standing virtual coffee with one colleague each month—casual, unstructured, twenty minutes
- A brief weekly Slack check-in with your team that includes one non-work sentence
- Making it a habit to celebrate one team win publicly, every week
None of these are time-consuming. All of them compound. Six months of consistent low-stakes presence builds stronger relationships than a quarterly team-building event ever will.
Final Reflection on Informal Relationships in Remote Work
Building informal relationships remotely isn’t about replicating the office. The office wasn’t perfect; it was loud and distracting and full of proximity bias. This is your chance to build something more intentional.
To thrive in remote and hybrid environments, you don’t have to become the most extroverted or the most online. Become the most deliberately relational. Understand that connection doesn’t happen by accident anymore, and you have to create the conditions for it on purpose.
Remember, you’re not trying to be everyone’s favorite colleague. You’re building a professional ecosystem where people know you, trust you, and think of you—not just for what you deliver, but for who you are to work with.
So, start small. One message or one early arrival. One specific acknowledgment this week.
Be strategic and see where it takes you.
