“I just try to avoid them as much as possible.”
That’s what a friend told me when I asked how she was handling a difficult coworker who constantly talked over her in meetings, nitpicked her work, and took credit for her ideas. And I get it—when someone consistently rubs you the wrong way or undermines your efforts, the instinct is often to retreat, vent to a trusted colleague, or quietly simmer with frustration.
But avoidance doesn’t solve the problem. It just lets the tension build while your energy, confidence, and focus quietly drain away.
Here’s the truth: You will encounter difficult coworkers. Maybe it’s the passive-aggressive peer who replies with veiled jabs. The perfectionist who micromanages everything. Or the conflict-averse teammate who smiles in meetings but blocks your ideas behind closed doors.
So, the real question is: how do you handle them without losing your cool, your credibility, or your sense of self?
First, Reframe “Difficult”
Let’s start with a mindset shift.
When we label someone as difficult, it puts us in a defensive stance—one where we brace for conflict, assume the worst, and limit our own response options. But what if we asked instead: “What’s driving this behavior?”
Most challenging behavior stems from unmet needs, insecurity, fear, or past experiences. That doesn’t excuse it, but it can help explain it. And when you understand what might be going on under the surface, you move from reaction to strategy.
This mindset shift alone can reduce your stress and make you feel more in control.
Know Your Own Triggers
We all have emotional landmines—words, tones, or behaviors that hit a nerve.
Someone who dismisses your ideas might trigger memories of a manager who never listened. A pushy peer might stir resentment if you’re already burned out. Before reacting, pause and ask:
- What exactly is bothering me?
- Is this about them—or is something else amplifying my response?
- What do I want from this situation?
Self-awareness doesn’t make the issue go away, but it helps you respond instead of reacting.
Choose the Right Tool for the Behavior
Dealing with difficult coworkers isn’t one-size-fits-all. Think of it like building a toolkit; different challenges need different tools.
Here are a few common scenarios and smart strategies for each:
1. The Interruptor
They cut you off in meetings or talk over you in brainstorms.
Try this: “I’d love to finish my thought, then I’m happy to hear your perspective.”
If it keeps happening, raise it privately:
“I’ve noticed that in meetings, I sometimes get cut off. I know we’re both passionate about the work—can we be more mindful of giving each other space to speak?”
You’re not attacking. You’re setting a boundary.
2. The Credit-Stealer
You present the idea; they somehow get the spotlight.
So, document your contributions via follow-up emails. In group settings, use subtle but clear framing:
“Building on the concept I shared last week…” or “As we discussed in my proposal…”
If it’s a pattern, talk to your manager; not to complain, but to clarify ownership and visibility.
3. The Negative Nancy (or Ned)
They criticize everything, focus on problems, and drain morale.
Don’t try to fix their mood. Instead, pivot with purpose: “That’s a valid concern. Here’s one way we could approach it…”
Stay calm. Stay focused. Don’t let their negativity become yours.
Use Curiosity, Not Combat
When tensions rise, the most disarming move is often a question.
- “Can you walk me through what you’re seeing?”
- “What outcome are you hoping for?”
- “Help me understand your perspective here.”
These open-ended prompts shift the energy from confrontation to collaboration. They create space for dialogue instead of defensiveness. And they signal emotional intelligence, which is something senior leaders notice.
According to a study by EY, leaders who demonstrate empathy and curiosity are rated more effective by their teams and peers.
Being professional doesn’t mean being a doormat. It means choosing your response with intention.
When it’s Chronic, Document it
If someone’s behavior crosses into disrespect, exclusion, or bullying, it’s time to document.
Keep a neutral log of:
- Dates and times
- What was said or done
- Who was present
- Impact on your work
If you escalate to HR or your manager, facts—not feelings—will support your case. And even if you don’t escalate, documenting helps you stay clear and grounded.
Don’t Go It Alone
You’re not weak for needing support; you’re wise.
Find a peer mentor, coach, or trusted colleague outside the situation. Sometimes just naming what’s happening aloud can help you release the mental loop and explore solutions.
You might also ask: “Have you worked with someone like this before? What helped you manage it?”
You’d be surprised how many others have quietly navigated similar challenges.
Protect Your Energy, Not Just Your Time
Difficult coworkers don’t just steal your hours, they can hijack your headspace. That’s why boundaries matter.
- End conversations when they become unproductive.
- Don’t take on their emotional labor.
- Focus on what you can control: your attitude, your clarity, your responses.
And if needed, use “energy audits” to identify which interactions drain you, and what buffers (like walks, journaling, or breaks) help restore your calm.
Professionalism Doesn’t Mean Passivity
Being professional doesn’t mean being a doormat. It means choosing your response with intention.
You don’t have to be best friends with everyone at work. But you do deserve to feel safe, respected, and supported. And you’re allowed to stand up for yourself without being unkind.
So, the next time a difficult coworker disrupts your day, take a breath. Reframe. Choose your next move with clarity and confidence. Because your peace of mind is too important to give away.
What would shift if you stopped viewing this person as a problem and started seeing them as a challenge to grow through?
You don’t have to get it perfect. Just start with one small step toward protecting your energy and owning your power.
